Thursday, March 18, 2010

Steam heat

My husband and I -- OK, it still feels weird to use the word husband. It sounds too much like we're grown-ups. Life-partner? Significant other? Everything I can think of seems to insinuate that we're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). To the internets!

OK, back from the interwebs. UCSB Sex Info was glad to assist, informing me that "[u]sing alternatives for relationship pronouns such as "boyfriend", "girlfriend", "husband" and "wife" helps create a gay-friendly atmosphere". I'm there! I'm not so sure that I buy their tagline though:

"A beautiful and accurate website about sex and relationships"

Really, I've never looked at any website and thought "Damn. That website is beautiful." Maybe they intend for the website only to be used by beautiful people. That's not a very ugly-friendly atmosphere, UCSB. I hope they don't trace my IP address.

A couple of the suggestions I can't imagine using--not because they're obscene, but because I'd throw up in my mouth if I ever heard them used without a large dose of irony:

Destiny: conveys an enduring, pre-ordained love.
Divine Complement: a perfect, destined match.
Heart's Inspiration: A romantic endearment for a loved one.
We are Entwined: Indicates a closely interwoven relationship.
Twin Soul: The ultimate soulmate whom you have been destiny-driven to find and join.

Those may be setting your expectations a tad high.

I don't think I need to tell you why this is hilarious:
Bang pong: A Klingon term of endearment which is useful only for die-hard Trekkies.

How about - Meine Liebe: Translates to "my love" in German. - because romantic love is the first thing everyone associates with Germany.

But the one I found most hilarious, and therefore the one I'm going to use is:
Copilot: Indicates a long-term relationship among equals. So let's try again.

My copilot and I are really interested in backcountry skiing. This refers to skiing outside of resorts, so no chairlifts. You have to hike and 'earn your turns' so to speak. Skiers sometimes refer to the sets of skis they have for various conditions as their 'quiver'. This sort of makes sense, the skis are long and skinny like arrows, but more recently I've started hearing people refers to multiple pairs of boots as a quiver. That would have to be one big-ass quiver if you're going to jam even two sets of boots in it. Seems impractical to me. But in that spirit, I plan to start a quiver of knitted items that I'll need for winter camping and backcountry activities. It's all about the warmth, baby. One of the things I plan on investing in is a hot-water bottle.

I was browsing the most recent issue of Knitty, which is Winter '09. I know, I'm usually behind the times (want to play with my Pogs later?). I came across the most wonderful combination I've seen in a while:

Dude, it's a hot-water bottle cover.

His name is Mr. Popper and he's an awesome combination of a penguin and warmth. LOVE.

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